Dear Kakashi sensei
by ice krystahl
Summary: Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura writing to Kakashi- sensei while he is away on a mission? What the hell could they be saying? Read on to find out. Hints of SasuxNaru.


**Title:** _Dear Kakashi- sensei_

**Author: **_the deluded and crazy ice- krystahl_

**Warnings:** _Light and implied yaoi. That means sweet boy/boy love. If you're not into it, please don't read this._

**Notes:** _The timeline for this story is the same with the series which means that they are all thirteen. In here, Kakashi- sensei is supposed to be on an individual mission and his three students are ordered to keep in touch with their sensei through mail. Craziness and laughter ensues. (I hope.) :)_

* * *

Kakashi- sensei,

I do not know what kind of game you're playing, but first thing's first- I really don't care if you are away on an individual mission. You are old enough to handle yourself, and I don't see why we have to write to you. I guess you realized we weren't fond of writing, and being the mean prick that you are, you decided to give us this arduous task of corresponding with you.

So, do you really have to know what's going on here? It's not as if things around here aren't very predictable. Naruto is still a dobe and Sakura is still annoyingly helpless. Come to think of it, she's acting really weird today. She kept on sniffling and sniffing around. Do you know any medicine for colds? I'm not concerned at all, but all that sniffing can be really distracting.

That's it, I guess. I'd probably never write to you again if it weren't for the punishment our dear old Hokage insists on implementing.

Gotta go. I'm going to immerse myself in hatred and revenge and try to think of various plans to kill Itachi slowly and painfully.

Sasuke

P.S. Just to let you know, I've decided that I'm not going to show up to practices anymore. No sense at all without you there, is it?

* * *

Dear Kaka-sensei,

Can I call you 'Kaka- sensei'? I think it's really cute! I've been wanting to call you that for a long time! So anywaaay, I'm glad you thought of keeping a correspondence with your strong team. I can't blame you for doing this, sensei. I mean, if I were you, I'd probably miss me, too! And Sakura- chan too!

But I bet you don't miss Sasuke that much; he doesn't have any personality to start with.

Speaking of Sasuke, I think I saw him slacking off this afternoon at practice. He looked a tad irritated when he learned that we would have to write you. He muttered darkly about something like he always does, and when he did, somebody told us that when you get back, they are going to count the letters we sent you. If we're missing a single one, they said we're going to have to take a hike… whatever that means. So that shut him up for good.

After a while, when I glanced upon him again, he had a paper and a pen, and was scribbling away. He kept on squinting and glaring at that piece of paper like it was _me_ personified, but I'm willing to bet the Ichiraku stand that he just wasn't very bright and didn't know how to spell words.

Maybe I should go and follow him around! I can tease him on and on about being alphabetically challenged.

Naru- chan (I really like this pet name. Please refer to me as Naru-chan from now on.)

P.S. Sakura- chan looks really, really cute today, although she kept on sniffing Sasuke a while ago. Maybe I should go tell Sasuke to take a bath once in a while, so he won't stink. (snickers)

* * *

Dear Kakashi- sensei,

I hope you're okay, wherever you are. They didn't tell us what kind of mission you were on, or what village you were in. Oh, that reminds me! However are we going to send this if we don't know the address? (I really should send this, you know. The last batch ordered to keep a correspondence with the teacher was Gai's team. Turns out that only Lee-san wrote to their teacher! Godaime-sama was so mad that Neji and TenTen are now somewhere up in the mountains, taking care of a poultry farm, probably chasing chickens and getting eggs. (Imagine Neji using the byakugan to locate those stray hens. Harhar!) Hmm. Maybe I'll ask the Hokage later.

When are you coming back, sensei? Will you, by any chance, take long? I really hope not because a while ago, I heard Sasuke mutter to himself that he would not show up at practices anymore! It's a good thing that I was trying to catch a whiff of him (I left him a bottle of perfume on his doorstep last night. I was hoping that he'd realize that it was me who left it and then fall madly in love with me) so I was near enough to actually hear him!

Why do you think Sasuke-kun doesn't want to practice anymore? Could it be that he's shying away from me and finally falling in love? I didn't manage to smell whether or not he's been using the perfume I gave him, but I could be wrong. Maybe I haven't sniffed that hard!

Take care,

Sakura

* * *

Kakashi-sensei,

What do you mean I have to start my letters with "Dear Kakashi, my love"? I refuse to even ponder what goes on inside your stupid head. Your brain is undoubtedly suffering from a severe lack of oxygen. Wearing that mask all the time hinders the air from actually entering your system. Do you even wash that mask? Wait. Forget I asked that. I don't want to know.

I haven't received any perfume, you twit. And if I did, it'd go straight to the trashcan where it belongs. I get hives from perfume, so I never use it.

Things around here are the same… well, not really. You know how Naruto can be downright irritating, right? Well this time he's being a pain in the ass even more than the usual! That dobe bugs me so much, I'm tempted to do Chidori again and blast him into nothingness!

Last time, he got this perverted idea to follow me around and around. I could not, therefore, resume my usual activities with him persistently trying out how it feels to be like my shadow. So just in case you've been writing to him as well, please tell him to STOP following me! I hate it when someone follows me, and keeps on asking me how to spell dog or cat or bird or dung.

I **know** how to spell, dammit!

Sasuke

P.S. If somebody asks you to go with them to the bath house, is that, uh, implying something? Not that somebody asked me! I just uh, you know, overheard somebody asking someone else… and I was just curious.

P.P.S. I've also decided to go back to practice. I find the view at the training grounds quite appealing.

* * *

Dear Kaka-sensei,

I told you Naru-chan was cute! Thanks for calling me that the last time; I was so happy that I nearly gagged myself with a spoon (I was eating ramen when I read your letter).

Oh, you WOULDN'T believe what happened the last time! I ripped Sasuke's ass pretty good! I followed him around and around so much, the vein in his forehead looked like it was about to jump on me! Of course I was a little bit scared (but please don't tell Sasuke) that he might get really angry and start to challenge me to a duel right there, on the spot (not that I wouldn't win over him, you know).

But for some reason, he didn't say anything, just kept going on and on and ignored my questions. Hah! Poor Sasuke couldn't even spell the word neco!

And then I remembered Sakura's sniffing and I told him that he should go to the bath house with me so that he wouldn't stink so much. Oddly enough, Sasuke looked shocked at my suggestion.

Sensei, do you know if Sasuke has a phobia of getting clean?

Naru-chan

* * *

Dear Kakashi- sensei,

WHAT! But we are supposed to write you! What do you mean you don't want to hear from me again!

Oh wait.

Whew. I just realized! Kakashi-sensei was probably just joking around! giggles Ne, Kakashi-sensei, don't joke around like that! You nearly gave me a heart attack! You know I don't want to raise pigs up in the mountains… or is it chickens? I don't know, but I'd rather cut my hair off and donate all my first class shampoo to sick kids in the Sand Country than go up there in the mountains!

Do you really think Sasuke doesn't want to practice anymore because of my pink hair! Oh no! I should go and have a hair color change! But goodness! I don't know what color to use! I can't be blonde… Ino-pig would kill me… You have got to write again and tell me what color Sasuke would want on a pretty girl like me!

I haven't seen Sasuke since last time so I wasn't able to sniff him at all, but you know what? Something really strange happened. I saw Lee-san yesterday and we stopped by to talk. Just then, I smelt the perfume I gave Sasuke!

I looked everywhere for him, but he wasn't around… maybe he was hiding from me. I mean, I'm sure that smell **is** the smell of the perfume I gave Sasuke.

I'm dead sure.

Take Care,

Sakura

P.S. What kind of present would Sasuke like next? Please sensei, you have to help me! And remember the tip on the hair color please!

* * *

Kakashi- sensei,

If somebody asks me to go to the bathhouse with them, it means that I have to ask them for a date? What kind of logic is that!

Yeah the view is great! Got a problem with that!

Anyway, today's practice wasn't much; it seems Sakura isn't well yet. She's still sniffing as though there's not enough oxygen in the atmosphere. Maybe being a ninja is too much for her; she must've acquired asthma or some equally weird disease. Speaking of weird, she actually came in today with her hair dyed a different color. Hmm. Maybe it isn't asthma after all. She could be suffering from a mental injury.

Sasuke

P.S. Read one of your magazines? What for? Another new move? Cool. I'll drop by later.

* * *

Dear Kaka-sensei,

SAKURA-CHAN DYED HER HAIR PURPLE!

Maa... I'm not really sure if I like it, but it is Sakura-chan after all. But it looks like it won't last long, since Sasuke can't even look at her now. The jerk.

Oh yeah, did you know that Sasuke has a history of being a kleptomaniac? I SAW HIM sneak inside your apartment and take some of your precious magazines! You know, the ones you always read… what's that word again?

Oh yeah, Icha Icha paradise! I followed your advice and I kept on following him, just to make sure that Sasuke knows how to bathe himself. But just when I was about to make my presence known to him, (I just **had** to say something, or I'd die of boredom. Sasuke has this habit of walking around aimlessly for two whole hours) he made a sudden turn on your apartment. And then… he took one of your magazines, and took off!

I'd better go! I'll go see what he does with those magazines!

Naru-chan

P.S. What do you mean its N-E-K-O! It's not! It's N-E-C-O! Neco! Neco! Neco! And NO! Sasuke didn't asked me out on a date! GEEZ.

* * *

Dear Kakashi-sensei,

WHAT THE HELL!

You told me Sasuke loves the color purple! That's why I dyed my hair that way! But Sasuke didn't even comment on my new hair color! He didn't even LOOK at me! I know this will sound weird, but even Naruto seemed to hate it!

Sensei, you are so mean, I'm tempted to tell Gai-sensei that you said you want an all-year battle with him. Let's see if you can handle being hounded by Gai-sensei for a year!

DON'T take care,

Sakura

P.S. Sasuke is acting really weird. He keeps shooting Naruto strange glances, and he turns red at everything that Naruto says, like 'I'm so hot I just want to strip' or 'I love the taste of ramen. Its so hot and velvety and melts in my mouth and tongue.' I don't know what the big deal is. Naruto always says that.

* * *

Kakashi-sensei,

You are a pervert, and I will tell Iruka-sensei that you have pictures of him (oblivious in the bathhouse, I daresay) scattered across your room.

However… There was, uh, one magazine that I liked. And I took it with me. It contained various ATTACKING methods, so don't get any ideas. Okay?

I'll drop by your room again, there might be something on defense.

Sasuke.

P.S. Sakura dyed her hair back. Now she's been checking my neck. You better get her and send her to a psychiatrist.

* * *

Dear Kaka-sensei,

ARGH!

I'm sure you're well aware of this, but let me repeat it again!

Sasuke is a frickin' BASTARD!

He asked me to spar today, and said that he had learned a new move! So I agreed, excited that he finally knew that I was worth something that he could consider his rival! But there was nothing new with the way he fought! All he did was bump into me several times! He kept on crashing at me, hitting my thigh or knocking my kunai out of my hand. There was even a time where he **bodily** pushed me from the back!

I'm so pissed at Sasuke! He made me look stupid!

I could just reach over and stick my chopstick right up his ass!

Naru-chan

* * *

Dear Kakashi-sensei,

Okay. I'm not that mad at you anymore. I followed your advice and gave Sasuke a necklace with a pendant depicting a sunset. I left it at his doorstep two nights ago and I've been checking out his neck ever since. However… he's not wearing it!

WAAH!

I'm getting really frustrated! What could it mean! Maybe he doesn't want a necklace? But that necklace is nice, I even saw Lee-san yesterday and he was wearing one exactly like it.

Take care,

Sakura

P.S Come home. Sasuke keeps getting stranger and stranger everyday. Just a while ago, he was sweating profusely whenever Naruto started bickering with him, and he even came close to hyperventilating when Naruto jumped him from a tree and fell on top of him.

* * *

Kakashi-sensei,

Ano, sensei…

Ehem.

Naruto…

Never mind.

Sasuke

P.S.

I need more magazines. Lend them to me.

* * *

Kaka-sensei,

STOP LENDING SASUKE YOUR PERVERTED MAGAZINES!

Naru-chan

* * *

Kakashi-sensei,

I have gone temporarily blind!

There's something I saw that I shouldn't have seen in a million years or forever!

NOOOO!

Dying,

Sakura

P.S. What do you mean you've uncovered the secret of the disappearing items on Sasuke's doorstep?

* * *

Kakashi-sensei,

There's something I've been wanting to ask you… but uh…

About you and Iruka… how…

You know… how?

Sasuke

* * *

Kaka-sensei,

JUST STOP IT!

STOP IT!

I really hate… no. I dislike everything that Sasuke does!

Well, not dislike. Maybe I'm **un**comfortable with it.

Or… whatever! Sasuke is really scary! SO STOP LENDING **AND** SENDING SASUKE MORE MAGAZINES!

Naru-chan

* * *

Dear Kakashi-sensei,

Come home.

I can't handle all of this by myself.

I am getting more and more traumatized.

Take care,

Sakura

P.S. Tonight, I will be testing your hypothesis on my missing items.

P.P.S. How can you tell people to stop groping, kissing, and hugging in places they thought were hidden, but aren't really?

* * *

Kakashi-sensei,

I want to inform you that I have abandoned my dream of reviving the Uchiha clan. You deal with it, you have Sharingan too, anyway.

Sasuke

* * *

Kaka-sensei,

WOOHOO!

I WILL BE THE NEXT HOKAGE!

I WILL NOT GIVE UP! THAT IS MY NINJA WAY!

Naru-chan

P.S. Have I ever told you that Sasuke is a bastard? Forget it. I was wrong. (Hearts all around)

* * *

Dear Kakashi-sensei,

Well, you were right all along.

I left another item on Sasuke's doorstep (this time, a bento box), and I hid in the shadows to wait. I saw Gai and Lee-san creeping up, and they took my gift! That explains the perfume and the necklace. Don't worry, I got them back. I just gave them punches that the Hokage herself taught me. They were in shambles when I was through with them.

And about Sasuke and Naruto? Please don't remind me. I still have that awful image of them inside a cave. Don't get me started about those times I caught them in the restroom, beside a tree, inside the playground and… you get the drift.

Take care,

Sakura

P.S. Just come home. Hell yeah!

* * *

Finis

* * *

_**A/N:**_

Hehe. Such weirdness, right? I hope you weren't too confused or anything and I really, really hope you like it!

**P.S**. Unbinding the Contract chapter 8 is reposted, and edited. Gah! I forgot to put the lines! Geez. No wonder some can't understand it. Please check it again! Arigatou!

**P.P.S** All my love to Keaira, who beta'd this for me.. Thanks, sweetie! You're really great! (glompies!)


End file.
